WHY WE COMPARE OURSELVES TO OTHERS (and how to stop)

Do you notice that you compare yourself to others?

Its kind of human nature - We compare.

It is how we measure our own value, sense of accomplishment, or level of success.

The problem isn't that we compare things.

Our hair,

bodies,

financial situation,

career choices,

parenting,

relationships,

fashion sense,

athletic ability...to name some of the many

SO what is the problem then?...

The problem lies in the judgment added to the comparison. It can become a daily self doubt incubator.

Judgment is destructive –

right/wrong,

better/worse,

good/bad,

success/fail,

rich/poor.

Our brains are hard wired to notice and focus on the negative.

(its a whackyway our brain helps discover and protect us from imminent threat!) 

So we tend to focus on what we DON'T possess rather than to notice or appreciate the many blessings that we do have. 

 


Without awareness, you can NOT make any change.  SO first off,

Focus on the awesome ability you have to notice and become aware.

And remind yourself to be GENTLE.

Noticing how much you compare and judge yourself negatively could be an opportunity to beat yourself up more - go easy on yourself.

 

Once you bring in some gentle awareness, the tricky next step is to let go of the judgment that is often attached. 

 

Spend the next few days noticing where you complain or talk smack about yourself and your life (either in your own mind or maybe even out loud - to other people). Once you have noticed some of your patterns, you can begin to shift your focus.

Its about "catching the negative judgment comparison" and flipping it.

 

One great tool is to use the word WONDER.

Just Wonder.

 Its like magic for the brain, like it unlocks a whole other section of your mind –( that sneaky little positive part).

 

'I wonder if I can think of 1 thing to smile about right now'

'I wonder what I have been doing well so far today'

 'I wonder why I'm comparing myself right now'

'I wonder what my next best step is'

-       you may or may not come up with some answers

(it doesn't matter! - The important thing is to allow your mind to be open to WONDERing and being freed up from focusing on the negatives.)

 

Give yourself permission to not have to know all of the answers.

You don't have to know every step towards your next dream or goal. You just need to come up with  THE NEXT BEST STEP to take, and then after that, you can take another BEST STEP in the right direction. And hey, if it ends up in the wrong direction – you can course correct and KEEP going.

As soon as you begin to WONDER about your possibilities, those negative comparisons drop for a while.

And the best part about this new freed up mind space is that you can focus on getting into action to get to where you want to go, do and be. 

Have a play with this notion over the next few days and take note of the changes that happen for you.

More positive things might start to subtly sneak into your days.

What have you got to lose? 


Here is a great little tale I heard recently :

Two young fish were swimming along happily, when they saw an old fish coming towards them.

“how’s the water today lads”? he said as he passed the two young fish, and then continued on his way.

The two young fish looked at each other and one said

Water? What’s water?

The Point of the story is that we often miss or take for granted the stuff around us that is SO normal, SO everyday - we don't even NOTICE it!! And often we are so busy focusing on what THEY have that we haven’t, or what THEY are doing that we are not, that we miss the magic right under our noses.